never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
