I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
