The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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