I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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