I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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