guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
