Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
