So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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