I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
