I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
