she looked like the bat from fern gully.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
