Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
