apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
