He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
