Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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