NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
