Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
