hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
