Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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