so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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