omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
