Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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