Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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