So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
