She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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