Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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