ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
