In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
