id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
