The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize