did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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