ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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