1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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