just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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