I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does