i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?