Wow word travels fast.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.