I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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