dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..