she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad