I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
