he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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