I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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