I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
