I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
