His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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