My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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