More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
being pregnant is like rehab
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
