So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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