Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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