You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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