I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
