Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
