Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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