it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
