i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
