she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
