if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
