the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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