I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
