Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
