I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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