Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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