every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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