I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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