I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
