You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The air was thick with penises
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
