i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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